today I went t the doctors for Quinn's weight check. They say he is approx. 8 pounds. My heart sank when she said that, and she wasn't nice about it either. She kept making "Woooo is he big" and "WOW what a big boy" comments.

I'm feeling very, very guilty, I tried all I could. Sure I cheated here and there but 99% of the time my blood sugar levels were perfect. So perfect in fact that I was hardly gaining. I gained about a pound every two weeks and even lost a pound the last weigh in. What did I do wrong?

After the nurse saw that her joking comments were not welcome and that I was actually concerned and upset, she made sure to say "sometimes it has nothing to do with your blood sugar, sometimes babies just want to be big" That did help and also stopped me from almost punching her lights out! But it didn't stop me from crying all day!

I find out Wednesday if they want me to have a c-section or not, right aftetr I will be going to an "online lunch" with my co-workers. I'm afraid I may be crying when I get there. I'm scared to death of a c-section. Many people tell me it's fine and I may even prefer it, but it's somethingI have never experienced and I'm just plain scared.

I'm trying so hard to keep in mind that so far he is fine and healthy, my fear has nothing to do with him. I'm scared of my own pain. As long as he is OK I should just suck it up.